


50 Shades of Red

by angelofthequeers



Series: Beelicious [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Also the L-word finally, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Balthazar is cool, Bottom Dean, Castiel has Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean asks a Very Big question, Dean gives in and buys chocolates because he's a weak sap, Depressed Dean, Emotional Sex, Flowers, Fluff, Kissing, Language of Flowers, Like seriously I love the guy, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Not a whole lot but there's a little, Picnic, Romance, They both have self-worth issues because yay, They can sort of communicate, Top Castiel, Valentine's Day, Yay talking to each other, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 00:35:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11566650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelofthequeers/pseuds/angelofthequeers
Summary: What would a romantic AU 'verse be without Valentine's Day? Featuring POVs from both of our heroes as Cas struggles with his fear of letting himself love and opening himself up to hurt, and Dean struggles with that tiny voice in his head and his own hang-ups over that damn word.Oh, and he gives in and buys Cas Valentine's chocolates. Because we all know Dean is weak when it comes to showering affection on Cas.No chick flick moments my freaking ass.





	1. Cas

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own SPN.
> 
> SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING IS SO AMAZING AHHHHHHHHH SECOND FAVE MARVEL MOVIE UNDER WINTER SOLDIER (my poor Bucky boo ;-;)

 

He loves Dean. He’s falling in love with Dean Winchester.

These are the thoughts that haunt Cas over the next few days after Dean’s birthday. And either Dean is super perceptive when it comes to Cas or Cas is just terrible at hiding anything, because the man notices how quiet he’s become after that Tuesday.

“Cas, what’s up?” Dean asks during his lunch break visit on Friday. “You’ve been off since Tuesday. You’re not still freaking out about not feeling good enough, are you? ‘Cause I’m gonna have to give you a kick up the ass if you are.”

He shoots Cas a crooked smile. In that moment, he looks so devilishly handsome that Cas’ breath is stolen away.

“I – I’m fine,” Cas manages to force out. “It’s not – I’m just still working through things. But I’m not going to lose it again, Dean,” he hurries to say. “I swear.”

Dean doesn’t look like he fully believes Cas but he thankfully lets it go.

“I gotta get back to the shop. See you tonight, baby.”

He pecks Cas on the lips and leaves. The minute he’s gone, Cas groans and thumps himself on the forehead.

“Why is this happening to me?” he mumbles.

* * *

 

“Cassie, Cassie, Cassie,” Balthazar whistles. “What _have_ you gotten yourself into?”

“I don’t need you to patronise me,” Cas says with a scowl. “I need your advice. If I wanted to be patronised, I’d go call Michael or something.”

“Easy.” Balthazar holds up his hand, then takes a long sip of white wine that Cas can’t even begin to guess the name of. “I just can’t believe that you would allow yourself to fall in love _again_.”

“I am _not_ in – _that_ ,” Cas growls, bristling. “I’m just…getting there.” He groans and covers his face with his hands. “Why did I think letting someone get this close again was a good idea?”

“Because you’re a hopeless romantic with self-worth issues who craves touch and affection?” Balthazar says. The scathing look that Cas shoots him is enough to make him actually shiver. “Touchy, touchy. It’s my role as your designated BFF to be honest, Cassie.”

“But not _that_ honest,” Cas mutters. “Look, if you don’t have any advice for me –”

“Au contraire, mon ami. I have just the solution.”

“Are you really French? Or do you just know French to impress women and get laid?”

Balthazar snorts into his glass of wine.

“My, my. Someone has their claws out tonight. Listen to me, Cassie. If you feel that way about him, there’s only one thing to do. It’s Valentine’s Day in two and a half weeks. That’s the perfect time.”

There’s silence.

“For?”

“Why, to do what you have to do.”

“ _Break up_ with him?” Cas splutters. “I can’t do that to him on _Valentine’s Day_! Do you know how much of an ass that would make me?”

“I never said anything about breaking up with him. You did.” Balthazar drains his glass, then pours another. “Although it does worry me that your mind jumped to that option so quickly. Anything you’d like to share with the class?”

“Screw you,” Cas mumbles. Balthazar just laughs.

“That’s the spirit, Cassie. No, what I was going to say is that Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to show him that you love him. Take him out to dinner. Lavish him with gifts and attention. Tell him how you feel in that flower language of yours. Then throw him down onto your bed and have the hottest, most passionate sex you’ve ever had. Ride that bull until his heart threatens to give out because you, my dear Cassie, are a right little siren when you want to be. And do please make sure to use protection, hmm? I’m not quite ready to become a namesake yet.”

“Bal!” Cas hisses, cheeks flaming. “I thought you hated Dean!”

“I don’t hate him. I rather like what he’s done for you. You smile a lot more now. Is it really that scary to tell your boy toy that you love him?”

“Yes! You know how every other time’s gone in the past! Especially Inias, when I had to just be an idiot and rush to tell him –”

“After one month. No wonder you scared the poor chap off. He was totally the wrong person to deal with your issues. But you’ve had Dean for nearly five months and you can’t see yourself breaking up with him any time soon, hmm? Unless I’m mistaken, judging by your outburst just before.”

“No! I don’t want to break up with him and that’s that!” Cas slumps in his seat and runs a hand through his hair, which he’s probably going to start pulling out any day now judging by how often he’s resorted to doing this. “I just…can’t let myself get that attached to someone again.”

“And there’s your problem. You want to stay with him but you can’t allow yourself to love him more. So now you find yourself rather stuck. Tell me, Cassie, how do you expect your relationship to advance if you don’t allow your feelings to?”

Cas opens his mouth to tell Balthazar that he’s wrong…but he can’t. As much as it infuriates him to admit it, his best friend is right.

“The way I see it, you have two options,” Balthazar continues, still sipping his wine. “You can break it off now, to save yourself that heartache and avoid toying with Dean’s heart any longer.”

Cas only has to think about that for a split second before shuddering at the feeling of _wrongjustplainwrong_ that curls in his gut.

“Or?” he says brusquely.

“Or you can admit to yourself that you’re falling for Dean and allow yourself to take that risk and fall in love with him.”

“But –”

“No buts, Cassie. Those are your only two options. You can’t just put Dean’s feelings on hold and keep your relationship at the level it is now. That rather contradicts the whole nature of a relationship.”

“But…I’m scared, Bal,” Cas admits in a small voice, eyes fixed on the floor. There. He’s said it. He’s admitted to being a weak little bitch who’s scared of actually being happy. No wonder everything he touches crumbles to dust.

“Oh, I know you are.” Uncharacteristically soft, Balthazar leans forward and pats Cas on the knee. “I can see the terror in your eyes. But I can also see the pure happiness. I can’t remember ever seeing you this happy, apart from that time you opened Beelicious.”

Cas doesn’t say anything, still staring at his feet for at least the next five minutes.

“Balthazar…how do I know?” he murmurs. “How do I know that I can – that I can love him? That it won’t collapse like every other time?”

“You can’t. Not for sure. That’s the fun of falling in love, dear Cassie. But you can stop using your little anxiety-ridden brain and listen to what that gut is telling you for once. Does it feel right loving him?”

It takes a few moments for Cas to recall his memories of Dean over the past five months. And the ones that don’t involve him losing his mind – Dean bringing him those baked treats, surprising him with flowers, being there in a heartbeat whenever he’s needed, never pushing Cas beyond his comfort zone…

“Yes,” he whispers, surprised by the relaxing peace that settles over his shoulders at this. He raises his voice a little. “Yes. It feels…I just…”

“Well, there’s your answer.” Balthazar pats him on the leg again, then drains his second glass of wine. “And besides, if I believed him to be anywhere near as vile as your previous partners, would I really be in his corner?”

* * *

 

His chat with Balthazar has lifted such a weight off Cas’ shoulders that he hadn’t even known had been sitting there, and he’s dreading _that_ day a lot less now as January comes to a close and February starts to dawn. Dean hasn’t said a word about Valentine’s Day, so Cas takes it upon himself to start organising their best date night yet – but first, he needs to make sure that Dean’s not planning anything in secret that’ll ruin his own plans.

“Valentine’s Day? No, you’re good there,” Sam says over the phone. “Dean used to call it ‘Unattached Drifter Christmas’, so he’s never really been one for celebrating it. He’ll probably be expecting to just spend a night in like always.”

“That’s good,” Cas says in relief. “I’m planning something and I don’t need him to ruin it with his own secret plan.”

“Though who knows with you?” Sam adds. “You’ve changed him, Cas. Maybe he _does_ have something planned.”

Cas groans loudly.

“So basically, you have no idea,” he says.

“Nope.”

“Right. Thanks anyway for your help.”

The first two weeks of February seem to crawl at a snail’s pace. Cas furiously prepares, researching several simple meals that he can make without utterly failing, and he spends the three days leading up to the fourteenth stressing over the bouquet he’s going to give to Dean. Did he get too many? Are they all perfect? Is he being too forward with these ones? Maybe he should stick with something safer…but then his conversation with Balthazar drifts back to mind, and he groans and hopes for the best.


	2. Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own SPN.
> 
> I haaaaaaate point of view changes in the middle of a story, so that’s the only reason for having two chapters.
> 
> *insert Astroglide promo because they are huuuuuuge Destiel shippers*

 

When Dean wakes on Tuesday morning, it takes him a moment to realise that it is, in fact, a Tuesday. It takes him another few moments to click on to the fact that it’s the fourteenth of February.

“Great,” he mumbles. “Valentine’s Day.”

Sure, Valentine’s Day is great – if you’re a normal person, that is. But when you’re a twenty something year old who can’t keep a relationship and is battling with crippling self-loathing issues, well, there’s not much to love about the day of love. Even the sex feels lonelier on Valentine’s Day than every other one night stand.

But that’s when the warm thing next to Dean shifts, and he realises that it’s his boyfriend of just over five months. That’s right. They’ve been sleeping in the same bed for a while now. It’s just still new enough that it sometimes catches Dean off-guard.

His brain’s still booting back up, so Dean’s not fully in control of himself as he leans over and rests his lips on Cas’ cheek, in a sort-of-but-not-quite kiss. An arm immediately bats Dean away as Cas stirs and turns away, his back to Dean. Not that Dean’s really complaining; Cas’ shirt has ridden up so that his lower back’s visible, and Dean is utterly entranced as he reaches out and runs his hand over the tan skin there.

“Ungh,” Cas complains sleepily with a shiver when Dean pulls down a bit of his shirt collar and kisses his shoulder blade.

“C’mon,” Dean coaxes, fingers trailing lightly over Cas’ lower back. “Wake up, Cas.”

It takes a moment for Cas to comply, but Dean rewards him with a smile for his efforts and Dean’s insides swoop pleasantly when Cas grins blearily back.

“Dean,” Cas says, voice thick with sleep. Dean’s smile widens. Fuck, how he loves this man. The thought sends a shiver of terror down his spine, but Dean forces himself to ignore the fearful nausea that’s settling in his stomach in favour of pressing his lips to Cas’. Cas’ full-body shiver does wonders for helping Dean with that task of ignoring his dark thoughts.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby,” Dean murmurs against Cas’ lips. When he rolls on top of Cas and kisses him deeper, one hand caressing his side, Cas’ breath hitches and he shivers far more violently than before.

“I wish we didn’t have to work today,” Cas says, threading his fingers through Dean’s short hair. “I want to stay in bed with you all day.”

“We gotta get up,” Dean says, though he’s really not averse to Cas’ plan at all. “But I promise that we can spend all evening in bed after work.”

But he’s so addicted to Cas’ touch that he can’t help but caress lower, over Cas’ hip – god, those hipbones are a fucking gift from the heavens – and outer thigh, and then over the skin of his inner thigh.

“Dean,” Cas whines, body quivering. “I won’t want to get up if you – if you touch –”

“Well, you gotta,” Dean says. “I start work soon. How ‘bout one for the road?” he adds teasingly, fingers dancing higher. Cas chokes on his breath and arches his hips.

“Please,” he says in a rush. “Yes – please – touch me –”

Dean’s only too happy to oblige.

* * *

 

All day at work, Dean’s preoccupied with tonight. Not with the bunch of flowers he’s got hidden at home; yeah, the meaning might scare the shit out of him, but saying it with flowers isn’t nearly as intimidating as actually saying it out loud. No, he’s got a rather different thing on his mind.

Hopefully Cas says yes. They’re approaching the six month mark in their relationship and Dean’s never been this certain of something for years. The only problem is if Cas decides to say no…which won’t happen, right? They’re happy together.

Right?

 _‘Why he’d say yes to you is beyond me,’_ a nasty little voice says in Dean’s ear. _‘Do you really want to fuck it all up by throwing this at him?’_

Dean grimaces. His depression’s usually pretty tame as of late – to the point where he’s smiling and laughing and generally happy so much that he’s developed this tiny, constant fear that Cas thinks he’s lying about having issues – but ever since he’s gotten this idea in his head, his depression’s decided to pop its ugly little head up and make life hard for him.

The rest of the day passes in a haze of nerves and trying to shut the voice in his head up, so when it finally hits three o’clock, he’s ready to just go home and slam his face into his pillow and never get up. But he can’t do that. He has to make this day perfect for Cas. The last time Valentine’s Day mattered was when he was with Cassie but it’s never really been his favourite day – especially because that was the day she finally wised up and cut him loose. But maybe if he makes today amazing for Cas, he can start to get over some of his issues around relationships.

 _‘Cas wouldn’t care if it wasn’t perfect,’_ he tells himself firmly.

_‘But how do you know?’_

_‘He’s not one for fancy restaurants and thousand dollar jewellery.’_

_‘But what if he is? What if he’s expecting you to put actual effort in? Lisa wasn’t impressed when you got yourself blinding drunk instead of taking her out to dinner and showering her with attention.’_

_‘That was Lisa. And anyone would’ve been pissed that I spent the day drunk. But this is Cas.’_

He’s expecting a retort from the voice, so it’s slightly unsettling when it chooses not to reply and leaves him with only silence. But the damage has been done. Now the flowers don’t seem like nearly enough for the guy who stood up to his father and saw _something_ worthwhile in him. How the fuck’s he supposed to make this good for Cas?

Groaning, he fumbles in his pocket for his phone and types out a quick message:

_hey cas got something planned 4 2nite wear something nice_

It’s a lie, though. The few nice restaurants in town have been booked out already, though maybe he can find a way of weaselling into one of them.

_Okay, Dean_

Dean frowns. That had taken at least two minutes to come through, when he knows that Cas usually texts back nearly straight away. Has he fucked up somehow?

_whats up?_

_Nothing. Why do you ask?_

_u hesitated_

_tell me whats wrong_

_What do you have planned?_

_thought id take u out somewhere nice_

_v-day and all_

_You don’t have to do that_

_i wanna_

_u deserve a treat cas_

_I’d much rather have a simple night with you_

_Valentine’s Day has never been my favourite either_

Dean actually sags in relief. Then he frowns suspiciously.

_wait how do u know i hate v-day_

There’s no reply.

“Probably talked to Sam, that bitch,” Dean mutters.

_when can i come over_

_Around 6_

_k see u then xx_

He’s got two and a half hours until then, so Dean decides to suck it up and head to the store to kill some time. He resolutely ignores the Valentine’s Day display, instead heading straight for the personal care aisle and pausing in front of the selection of condoms and lube with a small smirk.

“Wonder if Cas likes strawberry?” he snickers, examining the red Astroglide box. Though part of him doesn’t want to mask Cas’ taste with some cheap, artificially-flavoured lube, another part of him wonders if Cas would want to try it out. In the end, he just shoves the box back on the shelf and grabs a bottle of plain lube, even though Cas’ bottle is only half-empty. As an afterthought, he also snags a bottle of massage oil before leaving the aisle.

He passes the Valentine’s Day stuff on the way back to the registers and stops in his tracks, staring out of the corner of his eye. Then, with a long groan, he admits defeat and shuffles over to look at the chocolates on display.

“Fuck my life,” he mutters. He grabs the most expensive box he can afford – nowhere near the top range but not the shitty, cheap ones either – and tosses it into his basket before he can change his mind.

His shopping trip only took twenty minutes, so Dean sighs and decides to head on home to wait until six o’clock. Great. Two hours of staring at the flowers and chocolates and hoping that Cas doesn’t figure out that he’s probably better without Dean’s shit. Though Dean hasn’t minded helping Cas through his issues one bit – hell, he’s honoured that Cas trusts him enough to let him in that much.

* * *

 

“Just a minute!” Cas calls when Dean knocks on the door at six sharp. Dean swallows and makes sure that the flowers and chocolates are hidden in his bag before the door opens a few seconds later.

He suddenly can’t remember how to speak. Cas doesn’t look any fancier than usual – jeans and a pale blue button-down, with his usual messy hair – but he’s positively _glowing_ and Dean can’t handle how utterly perfect his boyfriend is. How the fuck did he get so lucky?

“Dean?” Cas says with a frown. Without a word, Dean deposits his bag inside next to the door and then steps over the threshold and sweeps Cas into such a passionate kiss that the man gasps and practically melts in his arms, fingers digging into Dean’s shoulder blades. When they finally break apart for air, Dean actually has to hold Cas around the waist so that the limp man doesn’t collapse.

“Wow…” Cas says faintly, eyes wide. Dean grins mischievously.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby,” he says. Cas shivers noticeably.

“H-Happy Valentine’s Day, Dean,” he rasps. “I think I just forgot my own name…”

Dean’s grin widens and he hauls Cas back upright, making sure that he won’t fall before letting go of him.

“Just wait here. I have to get something and then we can go.”

“Go?” Dean calls after Cas as he hurries back into his apartment on shaky legs. “Go where?”

“It’s a surprise!” Cas replies. When he returns in a few minutes, he’s got two bags slung over his shoulder, one absolutely bulging.

“Seriously, the hell’s goin’ on?” Dean demands. Cas just smiles and kisses him on the cheek.

“You’ll see. Come on.”

Cas is mysterious the whole time they’re in the car, only talking to Dean in order to instruct him where to go. They finally pull up at a grassy field with a hill; a place Dean’s never been before and never even knew existed.

“The hell are we?” he says as they get out of the car. Cas smiles.

“This is where I go whenever I need to be alone,” he says. “Nobody ever comes out here, so we won’t be disturbed.”

Cas’ plan is revealed when they trek to the top of the hill and he pulls a blanket out of his bulging bag, which he spreads on the grass. Dean’s amazed when Cas then pulls out several foil-covered plates, along with another blanket, and candles that he lights so that they can see.

“Seriously, what is this?” Dean says when they sit down. Cas looks down.

“I wanted to take you out,” he mumbles. “Do something special for Valentine’s Day. But I didn’t think you’d appreciate fancy restaurants and expensive gifts. Then I remembered that picnic that you took me on and how much I enjoyed it, and I thought…you might enjoy this.”

Dean sits stock-still, his brain struggling to process everything.

“Dean?” Cas says worriedly. Dean’s tongue darts out to lick his lips.

”S’long as we’re not fuckin’ stargazing,” he finally says hoarsely. Cas looks fear-stricken.

“I hoped – but we don’t have to if you don’t –” he stammers, eyes darting around but avoiding Dean.

 _‘Now look what you’ve done,’_ the voice sniggers. In an effort to ignore it, Dean leans forward and gently raises Cas’ chin with his fingers.

“Hey,” he says firmly. “I’m just teasin’ you. I don’t care if we do, okay? Just ‘cause it’s not something I’d choose to do doesn’t mean I don’t wanna do it with you.”

“But –”

“I love this, Cas. I love that you put all this effort in, even if I did jack shit.”

“I know that you don’t like this day –”

“Seriously, Cas, you’re fucking amazing. No one’s ever done this much for me. No one’s –” Dean breaks off, mouth twisting. “No one’s ever put this much effort in for me. I mean – I celebrated it with Cassie and Lisa, and they got me flowers and shit, but they expected me to put most of the effort in. ‘Cause I’m the guy, y’know? I’m s’posed to be the one who arranges all that fancy date stuff and showers them with attention. You’ve…done so damn much for me. Not just tonight but every day since you gave me that ‘fuck you’ bouquet.”

Cas’ beautiful blue eyes are soft, though thankfully there’s no hint of pity in them.

“You’re worth it,” he says firmly. “You’re worth every ounce of effort, Dean. And I –”

He takes a deep breath, then reaches into the second bag at his feet and pulls out a small bouquet of red flowers, tied with a red ribbon.

“There are for you,” he mumbles, eyes flitting away. Dean takes the flowers, his heart jumping into his throat.

“What do they mean?” he says. Cas’ face turns as red as the flowers and he looks away, shaking his head, so Dean fumbles for the mini card attached to the ribbon. The breath is punched out of him from what he sees written in Cas’ neat handwriting:

_Red chrysanthemum: love_

“Cas?” he says quietly, eyes glued to the note.

“I can’t say it,” Cas says hurriedly. “Not yet. I – I don’t think I could even have done this if not for Balthazar helping me sort out my thoughts. I’m – Dean, I’m scared. I’m so scared to let you get closer to me. Balthazar told me to break up with you if I didn’t want you to get any closer, since I couldn’t expect to have a relationship if I didn’t let my feelings grow.”

Dean’s heart skips a beat at the words ‘break up with you’.

“But you’re not –?”

“Dean, the thought of breaking up with you made me feel sick to my stomach. I – I can’t do that. Not to you…and not to me. I – Balthazar helped me see that I _do_ want this and that…I can’t know how this is going to end, so I need to stop worrying about that.”

Cas takes a deep breath.

“I’m still scared,” he confesses, still not looking at Dean. “But…this is the best thing that’s happened to me in so long. _You’re_ the best thing. I just…want you to know that.”

Silence falls between the two of them.

“I – that’s – Cas –” Dean says, his tongue twisting itself in knots. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in so long too. And I – I got this voice that’s tellin’ me to get out now, to leave before I get hurt again or hurt you…and I can ignore it most of the time, but sometimes it gets so bad. So I might do stupid shit – maybe I’ll push you away, maybe I’ll say I don’t deserve you, maybe I’ll fuck up and hurt you – but I don’t ever wanna let you go. I don’t wanna lose you, Cas.” He groans. “Fuck, I’m such a chick. You got something about you that just makes me talk.”

Before he can overthink it, Dean rummages around in his bag for the flowers and chocolates. His fingers land on the chocolates first.

“Dean?” Cas says in bewilderment when Dean thrusts the chocolates at him.

“I got you these,” Dean says in a rush. While Cas stares down at the chocolates, Dean finds the bunch of flowers and dumps them in Cas’ lap, heart racing.

“Red tulips,” Cas murmurs, fingers delicately brushing over the petals. “‘Believe me. Declaration of – of love’.”

“I feel the same way,” Dean says quickly. “And I – Cas, I just – do you wanna –”

“Do I want to what?”

Fuck, he can’t handle that tilted head and those narrowed eyes. How the hell has one person burrowed into his defences this much?

“Doyouwannamoveinwithme?” Dean blurts out. Cas frowns.

“Pardon?”

“Do you want to move in with me?”

It’s possibly the hardest thing Dean’s ever said, and it’s a miracle that he even managed to get that out. The tense atmosphere while he waits for Cas’ answer threatens to suffocate him.

“Dean…” Cas says softly.

“It’s okay if you don’t,” Dean rushes to say. “Really. I’m probably moving way too fast, especially after what you just said, so I totally get it if you don’t –”

“Dean, there’s no way I’m moving into your apartment,” Cas says loudly. He continues before Dean’s heart can even plummet. “It’s way too small for the two of us. We’ll have more space in mine.”

Everything seems to stop. There’s no sound, no breathing…no time.

“Dean?”

Then it sinks in. Cas said yes. He said yes. He _does_ want this!

“Fuck you,” Dean says in a slightly higher than normal voice, tackling Cas to the ground with a laugh. “Fuck you for doing that to me, you asshole.”

“I – Dean, stop it – of course I was going to say yes!” Cas says, bursting into a fit of laughter as Dean peppers his face with kisses. “Dean – you’re squashing me!”

Dean immediately backs off, though he immediately snakes an arm around Cas’ waist and tugs him close when he sits up, his body heat radiating through Dean’s clothes. Who needs a blanket when he’s got Cas?

“This is either the best thing or the worst thing I’ve ever done,” Cas says, pressing his lips to Dean’s. Dean hums into the kiss.

“We’ll make it the best damn thing,” he vows afterwards. Cas’ face positively lights up the darkness around them.

Fuck, his boyfriend is a literal angel.

* * *

 

Honestly, Dean’s not sure how they managed to keep their hands off each other until they got back to Cas’ apartment; the only reason they didn’t just jump each other’s bones is because public sex makes Cas too skittish and anxious, even in a place as secluded as that.

They have to limit themselves to holding hands in the car on the drive back, so Dean’s sure to make up for it by grabbing Cas and slamming him against the wall as soon as they’re inside Cas’ apartment, kissing him like he’ll die if he doesn’t get his lips on the man that very moment (though he wouldn’t be surprised if he really did die from lack of Cas, with how horny he is). Cas’ eagerness to reciprocate makes it very clear that this desire is quite mutual.

“Bed,” Cas gasps into Dean’s mouth. “While I’ve still got brainpower.”

He lets out a squeal of delight when Dean scoops him up bridal style, though his mouth is quickly put back to use by Dean reclaiming it in a furious kiss.

“You’re lucky your bed’s comfortable,” Dean says as he deposits Cas on the sheets and takes a step back to practically tear his plaid shirt off. “But there’s no way I’m givin’ up my memory foam.”

“I’ve become partial to your memory foam,” Cas admits, fingers flying to unbutton his shirt as fast as humanly possible. Dean lets out a triumphant shout.

“I knew it,” he says smugly as his T-shirt hits the floor. Cas, meanwhile, is struggling to unbutton his own jeans. “I knew you couldn’t fuckin’ get enough of it.”

“Isn’t there something better you could do with your mouth?” Cas says with a raised eyebrow. He finally manages to kick his jeans off, and the sight of him clad in only tented boxer briefs instantly has Dean so hard in his pants that he finds himself straddling Cas’ waist before his brain even catches up with him.

“Fucking Christ, you’re beautiful,” his mouth says without his permission as he runs his hands down Cas’ chest. Cas blushes heavily.

“I’m really not that extraordinary compared to you,” he says.

“Excuse me?” Dean frowns. How the fuck can Cas – gorgeous, amazing Cas – think that he’s anywhere near Dean’s level of attractiveness? Yeah, Dean’s good-looking and all, but Cas is a fucking angel from Heaven. “You wanna run that by me again? ‘Cause I think I just heard you say that you’re not that good-looking, which I know is a fucking lie.”

Cas’ blush deepens.

“I – Dean, can I –” he stammers.

“Yeah, baby?” Dean leans down to kiss him softly. Their furious passion’s calming down now, simmering in Dean’s stomach instead of exploding through his body and the air.

“Can I…top?” Cas looks terrified at the very thought and he covers his face with his hands. “Sorry! I just thought – I think I want to try –”

“Hey,” Dean interrupts. “Course you can top, Cas. I was waitin’ for you to ask. Just didn’t wanna push you into it or anything.”

He slides off Cas to pull off his pants and boxers, while Cas turns and fumbles around in his bedside table for the half-full bottle of lube and a condom.

“Dean!” he exclaims with a laugh when a naked Dean hooks his fingers into Cas’ boxer briefs and tugs them down.

“What? Just wanna see you naked. Love it when you got no clothes on.”

He lightly slaps Cas on the ass. Cas jumps violently, nearly dropping the bottle of lube and foil packet that he’s finally managed to find.

“Dean!” he squeaks. Dean grins evilly.

“You liked that?” he drawls. He smacks Cas’ ass again and the man lets out a high whine and ruts against his sheets. “You like it when I spank you?”

Cas nods, his whole body trembling madly. Dean gently pushes him onto his back, then flips them.

“Another time?” he says. Cas nods, a hand skimming over his ass where Dean had slapped him.

“Another time,” he agrees slightly hoarsely.

It takes longer for Cas to prepare Dean than it normally takes for Dean to open Cas, though that’s because Cas is so careful and – fuck – _reverent_ in stretching him. It’s been so long since he’s had anything up his ass, and Dean’s already starting to lose himself in the haze of lust and pleasure with just his boyfriend’s fingers. How is Cas’ _cock_ going to feel?

“Almost wanna do it without one,” Dean says when Cas rips open the condom packet to roll it on. “I mean, it’s not like we’re fucking anyone else, and I know I’m clean.”

“As much as I want to feel you without any barriers, sharing a home is vastly different to sharing bodily fluids,” Cas says dryly. “But soon, Dean. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to feel you fill me with your come.”

Dean groans and reaches down to give himself a few quick strokes, Cas’ words forcing a bead of precome out of the slit. Who knew Cas could talk so dirty?

“Sure you don’t want me on my front?” he says as Cas lines himself up. Cas hesitates.

“If you want to…” he says.

“Hey.” Dean strokes Cas’ forearms. “I really don’t care. Just wanted to see if you wanted to try anythin’ different now that you’re on top.”

Cas sighs.

“I – maybe someday,” he says slightly glumly. “I just…need to see you. I don’t like it when I can’t see your face. It feels…impersonal, almost. Arthur liked to – you know – fuck me on my front. I think it made it easier for him when he couldn’t see my face.”

Rage simmers inside Dean at the mention of this Arthur fucker.

“Cas,” he says firmly. “I get it. I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me this stuff. And if I ever run into him, I’m gonna punch his fucking face in. I hate him so damn much for everything he’s done to you.”

“That’s flattering, Dean,” Cas says with a small, self-deprecating laugh. “But please don’t hate him. That’s much more energy than he deserves, especially since I want to leave him behind – so I don’t know why I keep bringing him up every chance I get.”

“‘Cause you’re processing. Talkin’ about him lets you move past it.”

Cas raises an eyebrow, looking thoroughly impressed. Dean just rolls his eyes.

“Well, the only way you could punch him is if I went back to Chicago – which is _not_ going to happen. There’s nothing but pain there for me.”

Taking a deep breath, he pushes in, punching a gasp out of Dean as he’s filled with Cas’ cock. Cas is so gentle as he bottoms out, moving in tiny increments, and Dean can’t help but be touched that his boyfriend’s being so careful not to hurt him.

In that moment, he falls just that much deeper in love with Castiel Novak.

“Perfect,” Cas pants, burying his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. “You – you feel perfect, Dean.”

Dean kisses Cas’ beautiful dark hair, wrapping his legs around Cas’ waist, and then coaxes Cas’ face out so that he can kiss Cas on the lips.

“Move,” he forces out. “Please.”

What follows isn’t the hottest sex of Dean’s life, but it’s certainly some of the best and definitely some of the most emotional. Cas treats him like glass, afraid of moving faster and harder until Dean encourages him, and though Cas’ pace isn’t nearly as hard and fast as he’s experienced while bottoming for Dean, it’s still practically perfect.

“ _Cas_ ,” Dean sighs, wrapping his arms around Cas’ neck. Cas groans and speeds up.

“I – Dean – I can’t –” he babbles. Dean moves one hand to cradle the back of Cas’ head, letting Cas once more hide his face in the crook of Dean’s neck.

“‘S okay,” Dean says breathlessly. “Let go, Cas. You can let go.”

Cas whines loudly, his thrusts becoming more and more erratic. He’s close to coming, so Dean draws on his past experience and clenches around Cas’ cock, trying to draw his orgasm out faster. With the hand still around the back of Cas’ neck, he reaches down to grasp his aching cock and starts to jerk, whimpering as the added stimulation drives him closer to that edge.

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas chokes out, almost sobbing. “I – I –”

Whatever he’s going to say is cut off as his whole body goes rigid and then he comes, cock pulsing inside Dean as he cries out and empties into the thin barrier. Spent, he collapses on Dean, who’s still furiously stroking himself in an effort to just get past that final hurdle.

“I love you,” Cas wheezes into Dean’s skin. Dean freezes up and then comes too, his own climax wrenched out of him with a long, low moan as his back arches.

It takes a few moments of dual recovery for Cas to realise what he’d said.

“Oh my god,” he says with a slight hysterical edge. Dean hisses when Cas pulls out, the sensation uncomfortable now that he’s not turned on any longer. “I – I said that. I can’t believe it. I said that.”

“You’re not regrettin’ it, are ya?” Dean tries to sound nonchalant and fucked out but he can’t ignore the sliver of fear that’s starting to grow in his stomach. Cas shakes his head wildly.

“No! No. I don’t regret it. I just – I haven’t said it in so long – and Inias doesn’t count, I just said that because I thought I was supposed to and I’d lose him if I didn’t, I didn’t really love him –”

Dean cuts him off by pulling him down into a deep kiss. It takes a moment for Cas’ stiff body to melt, and he finally allows himself to relax into Dean’s side as he kisses back.

“Good,” Dean says. He reaches down and pulls the condom off for Cas, laughing softly when Cas shivers at the feeling, and he ties a knot in it and tosses it in the general direction of the bin they’ve set up just for this purpose. There’s a fifty-fifty chance he’s missed but eh, he can’t really find it in himself to care. He repeats this action with the tissues he uses to clean his come off them.

“I can’t believe I said it in the middle of sex, though,” Cas says, covering his face with his hands. “Of all the times to tell your boyfriend you love them…I don’t think when you’ve got your dick in him is the appropriate time.”

“Hey, I’m just glad you could say it,” Dean says, his even tone of voice not betraying how many freaking butterflies are currently wreaking havoc inside him. “I ain’t gonna complain if you could only say it with your dick up my ass. I just…might take a bit longer, yeah? Last time I said it was to Cassie and, well…yeah, that turned out great. Only other time I said it was to Lisa, and Mom when I was four. You know how that went too.”

Now snuggled into Dean’s side – where he belongs – Cas reaches up and cups Dean’s face.

“I don’t care if you never say it out loud,” he says in a firm, nearly forceful voice. “You tell me in other ways, Dean. You tell me with your flowers. You tell me every time you kiss me and touch me. You tell me when you bring me lunch every day at work. I don’t need you to say it to know. I just…sometimes doubt it. And it’s got nothing to do with you! It’s just how my stupid brain works.”

Smiling fondly, Dean starts to card his fingers through Cas’ dark locks. He’s so damn addicted to touching Cas’ hair that it isn’t funny. And Cas’ face. And Cas’ body. And just…every inch of _Cas_.

“Guess we’re more alike than we thought,” he comments. For some reason, Cas’ eyes light up at that. Maybe it’s the realisation that they just get each other on such a deep level.

“I love you, Dean,” Cas says, looking positively delighted as he says it. The look on this angel’s face steals Dean’s breath away.

“Yeah…you too,” he replies.

God, how the hell did he get so lucky?


End file.
